yesterday i was visited by God. and she wore a pink hat.

so, i have started running again. i had to stop b/c of a hip injury and i am a happier person when i jog so i have started up again effective yesterday. but that is not my story...

i was at the outdoor community track yesterday morning and was running for the first time in months. i was honed in on time, stride, breathing, etc. I was mentally contemplating my daily, never-ending to do list. i was noticing who i was lapping and wondering if the grumpy power walking nun was always grumpy or only when she power walks. i was, in essence, ...not present.

now, let me say here that you may be thinking, well this is about kim, not john. and this is john's blog. but, i have to tell you, that it is through john's illness last year that i have learned life lessons and come to a place where i know better than to not 'be present'. i do, i know better. sudden possible death of a loved one grabs your attention. and living with a chronicly ill spouse begs you to hold that attention where it matters most. it forces you to reprioritize. but for some reason it is a skill that i have to repeatedly remind myself to practice. buddhist zen i am not. and at that moment, lapping the grumpy nun and trying to figure out when i was going to find time to reschedule that skin doctor appt i've cancelled three times, i was NOT present. until...

so i am running lap 4 and all the while so damn driven and focused (momentary rewind: this is not my usual way. for years my time running is time spent with God. it's where we commune. it's where we communicate. it's where we disagree and then make up. it's where i pray in every capacity. it's where i pretend i am not listening to Him b/c i am stubborn and He patiently waits for my sanity to return. it's where i apologize and i soar and i listen and i am replenished. it's where i give my heart to Him over and over. it's where i am most reminded that if i look, i can see His signature across the seal of my life. it's where He paints me splendid sky art and conducts beautiful bird call symphonies just for me just b/c He loves me. all this in the span of a few sweaty miles) and suddenly i see up ahead a little girl with her grandfather.
she is wearing a pink hat.
and as i get closer, she talks to me...

"don't step on wormie!"
"oh. ok. i won't" i smile and sort of try to run by. but i can't. she is still talking to me.
"he is a wormie".
"yes he is".
"where you going? look! i have a shadow!"
"yes you do."
"have you looked at yeeeer shadow? see, it right there!" (insert squeels of surprised delight while pointing to my shadow).
at this point her grandfather is just smiling, walking behind us. he has absolutely no concern about us walking together, me and ...
"uuh, what's your name?"
(insert garbled sounds here)
"hum. ok. has anybody ever taught you about stranger danger?" i ask half kidding, half not.
she giggles and promptly takes my hand.

she takes my hand.
and we walk.

for the next mile she and i walk and look at wormies and look at shadows and skip and pick daisys and point at clouds and trees and cars and colors and grass. we talk about "pop pop", still silently walking a quarter mile behind us as if guarding our time together.
for the next mile she and i ARE PRESENT.
and i am exceedingly blessed.

it is the most precious mile i think i have ever walked.

it's odd, looking back now i realize that from that point on there was absolutely no one else on the track. no joggers. no nun. no dog walkers as there had been just a lap or so ago. everyone had gone. everyone excpet me and...

i asked her her name two more times. i never did catch it. and when we arrive back at my car, and she knows which one is mine b/c we have already establised that it is red and red is the color of stop signs and traffic lights and heart love, she lets go of my hand and goes back to pop pop and the two of them walk away from me. no words exchanged except that she was delighted to hear that i had babies i was going home to, and declaired that for all the world to hear.

so i did. i went home to my babies. i went home reminded that i need to s-l-o-w d-o-w-n and be present. i didn't spend time with God on my run. and in return she promptly put on her pink hat and met me at the track.
k