8.20.08

as much as i'd love to have something wonderful to say, or anything to say at all for that matter, i really don't.

things with john are status quo, and that's ok. he's not well, he's not sick. he has days that seem normal (though he's not known to complain so often i have to ask him specifically before he discloses that something's going wrong) and there are days that he's obviously swollen or in pain or can't play with the kids. those days are less and less often, so that's good.

we're waiting for the next doc visit (in sept) to see what's next. until then, i hope we just continue to plug along.

i'd say the biggest issue right now is his legs during the night. he wakes up in excrutiating leg pain (most often in the leg with the blood clot). he says it's like a charlie horse 100x worse than a charlie horse and it lasts up to hours sometimes. having only had a few regular charlie horses wake me in my day (night. haha), and only last for a few monutes at the most, i can't imagine what that must feel like. he has to get up and go downstairs b/c he's afraid "my sounds will wake everyone". huh? "what sounds?" i ask. one time he said "screams". oh my. another he said it's sometimes like moaning/groaning that wants to be a yell but he doesn't want to scare anyone. it doesn't happen every night and honestly i'm not sure how often it does happen b/c he doesn't always tell me but i do know that they can keep him up all night and he wakes in the morning exhausted from just a little sleep and feeling like his muscles ran a marathon. once in a while it happens when we're not sleeping but not usually.

we have decided to believe that these pains are "just the leg's way off working things out". and honestly, the more he gets these pains the less swollen and squishy his blood clot leg seems to be so, ...who knows. maybe we're kidding ourselves. maybe we're on to something. we're choosing to see the positive even if it's a delusion.
k