absolutely not.

this cannot happen again. no way. no.

john has been on and off in increased pain for a few weeks now. i haven't mentioned it too much i think bc i was in denial. then, night before last, his leg swells up (the one that had the blood clot last year). the whole thing sweels up and hurts him and when you press down on it, it does not pop back up. like squishing down a wet dishcloth that's under plastic wrap. or really soft playdough.

and then, ... he gets a spot.
one. lone. spot.
of vasculitis.

we know what it looks like. we know how it all started before. this cannot be happening again.
he has had one lone spot here and there before over the past year, and pain here and there, and swelling and squishyness here and there.
he has not had all 3 at one time though. not like this. maybe milder. but this swelling and squishyness were pretty bad, and then the spot...

he did go play basketball last week (i think i told you that?) and he tried to go last night despite his leg but there was no game scheduled. i was quietly thankful bc i feared in his attempt to be 'normal' he would have made what ever this is that's lurking, worse. he needed to rest more than he needed to pretend he was fine.

there are days you pretend. then there are days you sit your ass on the couch.
he will be sitting his ass on the couch tonight too.

we have a halloween party to go to on saturday night. it is the one that we went to last year and he danced with me and it landed him in bed for days. he is much better this time around than he was last time but still i'm concerned that the timing of these symptoms combined with dancing will pose a set back. please pray that the man can just catch a break and go have a nice normal time on saturday night without suffering debilitating consequences. that would be really nice.

thanks for caring.
k