out with the old (sick reminders), and in with the new age (literally, an age)

so this is totally not my place but, ... it seems that i am sick of the 'john's sick stuff' around the house. ...so i threw it all out.

insulin. gone.
instructions on how to read the blood glucose monitor. gone.
blood glucose monitor, musteriously missing and i'm not looking for it.
medical receipts from cleveland clinic. gone.
the freaking green rubbing alcohol he'd have to use before giving himself a shot. gone.
maybe, soon, this blog. ...gone.

'08 was the year of illness and crisis.
'09 was the year of post traumatic stress disorder.
2010 has got to have a different tone.
i'm not 100% sure what that means but i feel a stirring in my soul to figure it out.

they will not say that a vasculitis patient is in remission until they are 'symptom free' for 18 years. EIGHTEEN YEARS. serious.
and, to that end i ask, define 'symptom free'.
does that mean just the spots? just the hospitalizations and lying in fetal position and unable to care for one's self? all the dramatic stuff that people pay attention to?
or does it also mean the little day to day things that are not obvious to the naked eye? the non-stop pain, the swelling, the joint aches? bc if that's what it means, ... then john's 18 years hasn't even started yet.

so, today is john's birthday. he's 39 and it's been a wonderful day.
i overheard him tell his sister today that he was turning 38. i thought he was kidding but when i asked him about it he said, "the year i was sick does not count".
i couldn't agree more. here's to that. cheers and mozeltof!
this fits in perfect with my desire to set a different tone.

so, today is john's 38th birthday. i am suddenly married to a younger man.
oh lala.
k

anniversary

today is john's 2 year anniversary since getting sick. i know i have not posted lately. i apologize to those of you who check this and pray for john. we truly do appreciate it. he's ok mostly, coming along pretty nicely, and to be honest there is stuff going on in my head that has led me to start thinking that now is almost the time to end this blog.

i'm not going to just wrap up that quick, i think a few more posts to update you on the last 2 months including the trip to the naturopath would be good. but, for the most part, what it boils down to is this:

i am tired of focusing on illness. it is time to focus on health.
i am tired of worrying about parasites. it is time to revel in good theater tickets and fine wine.
i am tired of waiting for the other shoe to drop. it is time to learn to polka in the one fabulous shoe that i have on.

not that john is 'healthy', but really it's all relative isn't it?

so, stay tuned for some interesting updates on zappers and parasites and my change in professional direction based on all this. i'm certain it'll be riviting night time reading. ha.

thanks for caring,
k

half full, ... to over flowing

i could lament about much these days. i have consciously decided not to.

it's amazing what you start to notice when you do that.

-i live in a house where i find a bow (minus the arrow) on my kitchen table, a random package of instant hot cocoa on my bedroom dresser, a violin on my steps, a mini trampoline in the middle of my living room, and fluffy pink slippers on a chair in my dining room.
i do not know why.
i have stopped asking.
but isn't it cool?
they're like tiny little pain in the ass blessings all over my house.
i genuinely think it's fabulous.

-i live in a house that somehow, over the years, has accumulated pictures and pictures and pictures of the 5 of us, framed and hanging or setting everywhere.
it's like little snapshots of love adorned with fancy edges all over my house.
how cool is that?

-i live in a house that rivals the Biblical ark. (we even have an in-house Noah, haha). max the dog, otis the cat, spike the guinea pig, a mystery number of nameless fish (correction: mary name the red one 'rosey') and we apparently have extended our jurisdiction beyond the walls of the house and now have a salt lick in the yard for deer, something small most definately residing in the garage not counting the baby mole we caught there and released at the river, two bird feeders, and peanuts for the squirrels.
it's like my kids are learning compassion for living creatures all day every day.
that is marvelous.

-i live in a house where today mary drew a fanciful work of art on the chalkboard (did i mention i live in a house that has a family chalk board complete with colored chalk at all times?) and as noah was walking by he stopped and, unsolicited, said, "nice picture".
THAT IS HUGE.
i saw mary's heart beam.
i live in a house with sibling love.
(disclosure: they also have been known to threaten to poke eachothers eyes out sometimes too, probably with the missing arrow from the kitchen, but it's all good).

-i live in a house that's dusty.
i know there's gotta be a blessing in there somewhere. i'm holding out faith on that one or i may need to buckle and pick up a dust rag sometime soon. oh, i also want to add that i live in a house where the phone rings but no one seems inclined to pick it up. i'm adding that to the 'there must be a blessing in there somewhere' list before i beat someone's blessed arse.

-i live in a house that last night mary said was, "perfect". that's what she said. and i quote, ...
"ya know, our house is (with arms held up to the sky as in exasperated disbelief) perfect!".
how absolutely wonderful is that?

-i live in a house where somehow, i do not know how, we play musical beds at night. no one, with the exception of isaiah, ever wakes up in the same bed they went to sleep in.
it's a phenomanon.
what pain in the ass exhausted fun.
seriously. i don't know how to change it and by this point i don't think i want to.
heck, we should set up some kind of rules and someone should win a prize.

-i live in a house that's too small for us. we bang into eachother and fight over who's on the toilet too long or used up all the hot water in the shower. mary has no door on her bedroom bc we don't have enough bedrooms so she's been in some random space at the top of the stairs since she was 6 months old. we don't all fit on the couch so someone always gets the crap seat where ya gotta tilt your head to see the tv. it really is too small.
... and it forces us to communicate, see eachother, and fight, and work things out.
how's that song go?
"love grows best in little houses with few walls to seperate where
you eat and sleep so close together you can't help but communicate
and if we had more room between us think of all we'd miss.
love grows best in houses just like this"
...that's us.

my cup runneth over.
amen.
k

"oooh it's shocking! it's electric! boogie woogie woogie!" (the electric slide song)

so, i'm not sure even how to broach this so i'm just gonna put it out there for all of you to roll your eyes at and wait for the onslaught of emails telling me we are crazy. though, i'd like to formally request, don't bother. i do not have much to say regarding what you do with your spouse in the name of health when he gets almost fatally ill and stays chronically sick and would not dream to comment on it, so please do not comment on what i do with mine. thank you. we now return you to our normal programming.

long story short, we have begun using what we lovingly call, 'the zapper'. it's a small electrical device that has wrist straps (or you can put them on your ankles) that puts a small electrical current into your body with the purpose of 'zapping' critters (primarily parasites). it doesn't hurt and you can leave it on for just a few minutes or up to all night, depending on your health levels and what it is you're trying to accomplish. yes, studies have been done that show efficacy in patients. no, those studies are not FDA approved. wow. stop being such a buzz kill.

hahahahahahaha. get it?! "buzz" kill?! hahahaha. i am so funny i crack me up pretty routinely.

i wore it all night along with john to see what it was like. i don't like him doing stuff w/o me at least at first knowing how it makes a healthy person respond, yet alone a sick one. there are three settings. i kept mine on the lowest but i've noticed that as john gets more comfortable with it and sees that he's not exploding, he has been wearing it at the highest level (which, do not fret, is exceedingly low even at highest).

we both got small blisters around our wrists when we wore it there, a healing crisis that was to be expected, and switched to our ankles where we've had no problem at all. we've been doing this since just after the halloween spots incident, so, about a week i guess. john has also been experiencing fatigue and grumpiness, both are symptoms of a healing crisis. his body needs to work some things out.

i heard about this from a friend of mine who's daughter was diagnosed with a pretty fatal type of cancer and after zapping (and yes, eating well, removing toxic cleaning products, participating in traditional western allopathic medicine along with some eastern medicine) she is in remission. i am not silly enough to believe that any one thing got john sick. i will not be silly enough to think any one thing can get him well. it is like anything in life, it is a mystery, a puzzle, a formula with many variables. it is science and it is art and it is biology and it is faith all in one ball.

the last time we saw the naturopath there was a decrease in parasites based on his supplements and diet changes alone. when we go back at thanksgiving time it will be interesting to see if this has helped at all beyond that.

i know i know, it's crazy. whatever. roll with it. you needn't be concerned unless you catch me slipping it on you as you sleep. until then, sorta not your bees wax. so then why do i share? for the same reason i blog, ... for documentation of a chain of events in case he gets sick again and also for those who know we are crazy already and love us anyway. to those people, this will come as no surprise. townsons try anything at least once.

ZZZZZAP!
k

what spots? i don't see any spots?

marc anthony woke up sunday morning (after absolutely DANCING THE NIGHT AWAY on saturday night) with spots on his neck, and in pain.

we ignored it.
we are still ignoring it.

the pain has decreased but the spots are still there.

still ignoring.
lalalalalalalalalala (fingers in ears).
so there.

signed,
cleopatra

absolutely not.

this cannot happen again. no way. no.

john has been on and off in increased pain for a few weeks now. i haven't mentioned it too much i think bc i was in denial. then, night before last, his leg swells up (the one that had the blood clot last year). the whole thing sweels up and hurts him and when you press down on it, it does not pop back up. like squishing down a wet dishcloth that's under plastic wrap. or really soft playdough.

and then, ... he gets a spot.
one. lone. spot.
of vasculitis.

we know what it looks like. we know how it all started before. this cannot be happening again.
he has had one lone spot here and there before over the past year, and pain here and there, and swelling and squishyness here and there.
he has not had all 3 at one time though. not like this. maybe milder. but this swelling and squishyness were pretty bad, and then the spot...

he did go play basketball last week (i think i told you that?) and he tried to go last night despite his leg but there was no game scheduled. i was quietly thankful bc i feared in his attempt to be 'normal' he would have made what ever this is that's lurking, worse. he needed to rest more than he needed to pretend he was fine.

there are days you pretend. then there are days you sit your ass on the couch.
he will be sitting his ass on the couch tonight too.

we have a halloween party to go to on saturday night. it is the one that we went to last year and he danced with me and it landed him in bed for days. he is much better this time around than he was last time but still i'm concerned that the timing of these symptoms combined with dancing will pose a set back. please pray that the man can just catch a break and go have a nice normal time on saturday night without suffering debilitating consequences. that would be really nice.

thanks for caring.
k

chemical free is the way to be, ... unless you're trying to hide your grey roots

ever so ever so ever so slowly, ... i have been trying to get rid of chemicals in the house. of course, no house will ever be chemical free, ... what with the chemicals in even the drywall and the paint and the carpeting. i mean, geesh. but it seems to me that every little bit helps and while i can't control everything, i can control what i can control.

so, i set out.
on a journey.
to be (sorta) chemical free.

it is hard.

why is it hard you ask? well, first, it's expensive. also, it's kinda inconvenient. then, there's the old habits that are harder to break than you think. after that, there's the husband who sorta thinks the whole thing is poppy-cock.

let it be known, i do not think it is poppy-cock.

i think that vasculitis, along with many other ailments in life, have an environmental component to them. i have allergies, as do the kids. and yes, we have a cat and dog; but we also have a house full of toxic chemicals that are desguised as lemon scented and meadow fresh. i think it all plays a part.

i've managed to switch to naturally made soap (the skin is the largest eliminatory organ of the body after all. if it allows bad things out, ... it would make sense that it lets bad stuff in too) and shampoo and conditioner (or as naturally made as you can reasonably find). i've stopped using dryer sheets and we're switching to dryer balls. we've switched to natural lotion (my dry elbows and heels let out a sigh of relief that i didn't give up lotion altogether) and purchased a water purifer to get out the flouride and other city water junk. i've switched to naturally made cleaning products and my kitchen and bathroom smell like essential lavendar oil and eucalyptus already.

there have been challenges, ... as evidenced by the fact that aluminum free deodorant does NOT deodorize, despite what the "naturally fresh" label says. i tremble at the thought of giving up my face products and do not get me started on the "natural beauty of grey". i scoff. i will dye my grey until i am dead, ... even if what ultimately kills me is the hair dye. i know i know, i contradict myself.

baby steps i say.
k